Hi. It's been awhile since I've sat down and unashamedly written down my feelings. Its a scary thing you know? To be vulnerable. But I have gotten myself into a season of life that I'm not proud of... and I want to break that streak now. Brene Brown says "Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we'll ever do"; I couldn't believe that more than I do right now. This season has been filled with anxiety, doubt, fear, and seclusion. All of which are unhealthy in long increments of time.
So here I am, owning my story and choosing to love myself with where I'm at. Right now I am in the process of rejuvenating my relationship with God and believing in the truth that he wants me... in all of my brokenness. All of my mess. All of my shame. ALL OF IT. He wan'ts every ounce of who I am. His love has no boundaries, so why have I been running from him? Fear. Fear can make you do things you wouldn't normally do, especially when you're in a vulnerable place. And man have I been in a vulnerable place. Let me just tell you that struggling with mental health is far from easy. It adds a new level of difficulty to your everyday life. And for me, I have come to my wits' end with anxiety and panic.
If you know anything about anxiety, you know that all you want in the moment is relief.. for it to go away. But unfortunatly there is no quick fix for anxiety disorders. So yesterday I realized something, I need to just accept the season I'm in and give myself time. Time to struggle. Time to heal. Time for God to work. Philippians 4:6-7 says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." WOW. Once I read that, I could feel God talking directly to me. He was saying "I can see you Aubrey. I know your struggling. I know your hurting. I know your scared. But please, PLEASE, trust me. Give it all to me."
So here I am, writing this post, making a promise to myself and to God, that from here on out.. every day.. I chose to give everything up. Lay it all on the table for Christ. So he can heal, rejuvantate, and restore my heart. It wont be easy, thats not guaranteed. BUT what is guaranteed is that I wont go through these seasons of struggle alone.
You are not alone. God is always available, 24/7.
Speaking out and being vulnerable does NOT mean that you are week. It means you are strong and courageous.
God wants YOU. All of you. So don't hold back. Be bold.