Grief is a funny thing. There are so many elements that tie into that one simple word. Pain, tears, sadness, memories, sleepless nights, loss of appetite, and the list goes on and on. The thing about loss, at least for me, is that saying goodbye wasn't the hardest part... that was quite manageable... what's hard are the days, months, and years that follow. Learning to live without the person you love... that's the hardest part.
Today, June 8th, marks the two year anniversary of my mothers passing. To be honest, it snuck up on me. Literally. Until I had received a text message from one of my family friends, I thought today was any other normal day... and then I broke down. This is why grief is such an indescribable experience; even as you heal, new elements of grief surprise you. My initial thought to forgetting the anniversary of my mothers passing was intense. I fell to the floor in tears... uncontrollable tears. Why? All I could think was "Aubrey!? How could you forget today?! How could you?!" The self-doubt and judgment took over, not being able to see the bigger picture.
God quickly reminded me of his truth, seeing the bigger picture from his perspective. Forgetting isn't a sign of selfishness or lack of love... it's a sign of healing. In Matthew 5:4 it says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.", and God has provided me with a lot of comfort over the past two years. Yes, the tears will still come, the bad days will still be had, and the grief will be a life long journey.. BUT.. I take a step back and look at all the blessings that have been given to me in the midst of my pain. Those blessing far outweigh the bad.
This post may seem very raw and untidy... it's because it is. I'm not going to edit it and make it seem "put together", cause lets just be realistic here.. some days you just need to embrace the mess. So here is my mess... a beautiful mess. And today I encourage you to meet yourself where you're at, be present, and embrace all of the feels. God has you. He has a purpose for your life, even in the midst of a simple word called "grief".
Just as grief comes in all different shapes and sizes, so does healing.
You are loved and cared for beyond comprehension.
Take a deep breath and know that God is working in you and through you everyday.
"Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone."